It happens every year. It’s an itch you just can’t scratch. The sun falls out of the sky, and the endless night begins.
Prime time television season ends, and you’re stuck with the entertainment wasteland. You start looking around for back-up plans. Did I miss anything on Netflix? What can I scrap from the bottom of my DVR? Any movies I missed?
You convince yourself you can get by on the meager (but exciting) HBO/Showtime showings and USA’s summer season. Bad reality T.V. aplenty. But it’s not the same. It’s a T.V. snack, not a meal.
So I thought I’d create a list of ways you can entertain yourself during this drought.
Read. Act out new books. What would annoy your spouse/significant other more than acting out the classics? To Kill a Mockingbird! (Insert fake Southern Accent), Fifty Shades of Grey! (Careful now. Don’t use the Christmas beads), Twilight! (Spray on glitter?) -If we have to suffer, our significant others should share in our pain.
2. Become an Intellectual. And by that I mean watch the History and Discovery Channels. And by watch I mean create drinking games based on their various offerings. Then insert yourself into any intelligible discussion within earshot and announce all the things you learned.
3. Send Oprah show ideas. I love the O, but she needs help. We’re all T.V. experts, so why not pitch in? I personally want to see Oprah’s School of Management Training: How to Smack the Shit Out of Whitey
4. Work out. Well, at least from the couch to the refrigerator. Someone has to keep those margaritas coming all summer long.
5. Build the world’s largest blanket fort. If the special peeps on Community could do it, how hard could it be?
6. Learn a new language. That way you can watch a whole other country’s television programming!
7. Create a Tumblr with captioned, animated GIFs. Apparently, this is all the rage with the kids.
I was striving for 10, but lets face it, STD is a pretty serious condition. Together, we will get through this dark period of our lives. And we’ll talk about True Blood every day, all week long, because really – does any other show during the summer matter?